I talked about abuse and made you uncomfortable? Good.

Natalia A.

“People mistake vulnerability for intimacy. It’s not just annoying, it’s damaging.” — these words from my friend and Anti-Nihilist Institute co-founder Anna Lind-Guzik have been knocking around in my head lately for a reason.

Vulnerability is a useful tool of connecting to one’s audience. This isn’t just true of confessional writing. When I began to open up about leaving Russia/an abusive relationship, I did so with an explicit goal in mind: Draw attention to the problem, and show people how abuse *really* works.

It was also obviously important for me to emotionally connect with my audience and friends in general. Pain becomes more manageable when you feel less alone. All of this is normal — mundane, even.

I wasn’t surprised by the amount of odd, insensitive, prying and condescending messages I received. A lot of them came from men who have trouble processing vulnerability — in all of its forms…

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New graduates struggles.

My Word Your Word

Every year we see people moving from a certain phase of their lives to the next with the hope of making it big or better.Unfortunately the case is not satisfactory to everyone’s expectations.As graduates and graduates are produced each year they face many challenges moving on to what i can sincerely call a much comfortable time as your life is probably planned for the 4 years you spend at university.
Unlike the world of job hunting university time is spent focused on attaining your degree at the end of the 4year course.wWith a timetable well planned for you and easy to follow and the results that are to some point are certain to be satisfactory.

I am one of those people who had ideologies installed in my head that jobs are hard to come by these days unless you are well connected or you come from a family with businesses…

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She Saw the Beauty of Development — CEDAR Fund

[“SHARE” JAN 2018] TAKING ACTION How far would you go for the poor? Would you visit the Guangdong industrial district alone to investigate sweatshop labour, or venture to Northwest China alone and live among the Hui people, or supervise earthquake rescue efforts while carrying a baby in your tummy and worrying about your husband’s safety who is responding at the frontline, or devote your family as a fulltime volunteer for four years, only to wake more hearts to care for the poor? That was Alice Kwan’s story.

via She Saw the Beauty of Development — CEDAR Fund

The Horizon of Desire

Longreads

Laurie Penny | Longreads | September 2017 | 15 minutes (4,185 words)

“Man fucks woman. Man: subject. Woman: object.”

 —The Fall, Episode 3, “Insolence and Wine”

The first thing you need to understand about consent is that consent is not, strictly speaking, a thing. Not in the same way that teleportation isn’t a thing. Consent is not a thing because it is not an item, nor a possession. Consent is not an object you can hold in your hand. It is not a gift that can be given and then rudely requisitioned. Consent is a state of being. Giving someone your consent — sexually, politically, socially — is a little like giving them your attention. It’s a continuous process. It’s an interaction between two human creatures. I believe that a great many men and boys don’t understand this. I believe that lack of understanding is causing unspeakable trauma…

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Practicing empathy when frustrations are high

GET REAL

I was inspired to write this brief post after a business associate expressed that she’d like to learn how to be empathetic when frustrations are high. I thought that was a brilliant goal. And a hard one to reach. It got me thinking and this is what I came up with………

People who are striving to be more empathetic at work can generally find small ways to practice. They can ask more questions at the beginning of a conversation to better understand where someone is coming from. They understand when someone who is grieving is not at their best. They may reach out and offer support to someone who is struggling with a specific work issue.

It’s difficult to practice empathy at work with someone who frustrates us over time. When we’re focused on our own feelings we’re less likely to have a genuine interest in understanding others. We tend…

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Rehman Rashid passed away this morning. Two years ago, he wrote this, about the love he shared with Rosemarie Xhen

I paid for my loyalty to Malaysia with everything good and decent that I had, only to be mocked and despised; to watch my profession usurped by “the right kind of Malay” regardless of literacy; to have my name smeared and reputation destroyed; and in the end to be hounded back to the very redoubt in the hills where I had written that book 23 years ago now, never again to write. Rosemarie never saw this place where I may now languish forgotten and ignored for the rest of my own days, and now she never will. I chose my love for my country over my love for her. Bad choice. Big mistake. My punishment has been a life of regret and insuperable loneliness.

https://blogtakes.com/2015/09/13/every-time-i-see-you-its-like-seeing-you-for-the-first-time/

Grasp of Life

Life is beautiful, but it is cruel, sometimes you will win, win very magnificent. Sometimes you will lose, lose very tragic. In the journey of life, the road is rugged, not always a smooth sailing. So know how to grasp the life is  to know that the sun and the moon has an up and down, it can make you withstand the stormy storms and storms of the storm, but also can make you see through the dark light, poke the clouds and see blue sky.

Our life, we always seem to feel worthless. But no matter what happens or what will happen, we will never lose value. Because the value of life does not depend on our role, nor does it depend on the people we meet, it depends on our own grasp.

We have too many dreams of life, so there is the desire for success, the strength to move ahead.Do not silently wait for the opportunity,do not be lazy and sleepy, our blood and body can build high-rise buildings, our dedication can shine the ages, life is to pursue a beautiful end,

Slowly Know..

  1. Slowly know, too much care about others will often hurt ourselves.
  2. Slowly know that good people around you will be less and less with the passage of time.
  3. Slowly know for our own good, because people who are really care about you and the things around you will not be on your side forever. So take care of yourself.
  4. Slowly know, a real good person may not have return, and you ignore people who may be the most important to you.
  5. Slowly know that a lot of things can be made and cannot be made, a lot of things can only happen once.
  6. Slowly know that love is not necessarily true, there may be interest, there may be only comparison to other.
  7. Slowly know, that no need to argue with others, because there is no results, no matter who is right or wrong.
  8. Slowly know that at times we encounter unhappy things, we do not desire others sympathy,  That only make people look down.
  9. Slowly know that there are a lot of things that do not belong to you, but will be yours when you deserve it.
  10. Slowly know, we do not have to do everything in meaningful ways, but everything will be good memories.
  11. Slowly know that people’s character can be so different.
  12. Slowly know that many people will change and you can’t recognize, but precious memories about them will always be there. 
  13. Slowly know that from now on, we should grasp every person you can grasp, and give up someone who you cannot retain, we do not want to keep one person and lose a group of people.
  14. Slowly know that they must care about their own self-esteem, because your self-esteem in the eyes of others is nothing.
  15. Slowly know that the reality so helpless. you make your own stories.
  16. Slowly know, we will encounter many people who could not understand other people or things, but that has nothing to do with you, do not be an angry warrior, not worth it.
  17. Slowly know that two people who always together every day is not necessarily a friend, there may be nothing. 
  18. Slowly know, we will encounter a lot of temptations, no matter how others may said, you are you, you have your own principle and belief.
  19. Slowly know that someone will hate you or make life difficult for you, but what he may like, may not necessary important for you, hold what you think is right.
  20. Slowly know that many people cannot understand the relationship between men and women friendship, together doesn’t mean lovers, and lovers doesn’t mean they always together.
  21. Slowly know that phone is used by someone else to find you, and not to exchange feelings.
  22. Slowly know, you can not treat all people as a friend, but do not put a person as an enemy
  23. Slowly know that happiness is often from memories, and pain often comes from the gap between memories and reality.
  24. Slowly know that there are a lot of people’s ideas and practices you cannot understand, or do not know what they were thinking, do not try to figure it out or blind guess, that will make yourself tired, since people want to keep it mysterious and only for themselves
  25. Slowly know, that do not think of how high or low you are, there is no absolute victory, there is no absolute failure.
  26. Slowly know that life is a lot of unfair, you must face, believe in strength and the eyes of the God.
  27. Slowly know that people are slowly growing up, and need to adapt to the growth of everything in their environment. 
  28. Slowly know, do not think of how high, there is no absolute victory, there is no absolute failure.
  29. Slowly know, that there is no permanent enemies but only friends, the outcome of things are result from what you said.